


Curses, Cursing, and Caring

by Ren_berries



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Some Fluff, Some angst, and stuff, basically just allen angst, looking deeper into his curse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-08-11 16:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7899472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ren_berries/pseuds/Ren_berries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Allen is put on medical leave and there are consequences.</p><p>AKA Allen's curse is more complicated than anyone thought, everyone wants to give him hugs and the Order remembers that he isn't entirely made of fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Christmas in London was hectic. Carriages rushing throughout the city, full of people desperate to be home in time for family dinner. And for those without home or family, simply looked for shelter wherever they could, and prayed they’d live through the night.

A carriage driver hurried back from his the last job of the night, and hoped he’d be home in time for warm food and an equally warm bed. 

It was getting dark out, and the carriage driver found it was getting harder to see the street clearly. Suddenly, the form of a small boy grew clearer as he got closer, but he’d been rushing his horses too fast and they couldn’t brake immediately. Another, larger form reached out and pushed the boy out of the way. But the man–for it was a man’s shape–ended up getting hit instead.

The boy was fine. The man–the child’s father–passed not long after the collision.

The world went on, but not for the boy.

 

-

 

Mana was gone.

Mana was gone and he wasn’t coming back.

Allen lay in front of Mana’s tombstone, numb after hours of sobbing. What next? What am I going to do? 

Everything was foggy now, like he’d just woken from a deep sleep. What am I going to do? What, how, why, were circling questions. Wrapping around his head and drowning him.  
Without Mana, Allen was nothing. No home, no food, no money. 

Without Mana, he had no name, no purpose.

“Shall I resurrect Mana Walker for you?”

Allen hadn’t even notice the arrival of this strange man until he’d spoken. He crouched out from behind the tombstone, peering down at Allen. How long has that man been there? Who is he? 

He leaned in closer, and Allen found he didn’t look like a man at all. A big nose, small glasses, a heavily decorated top hat, and a large–extremely large–smile, stretched from ear to ear.  
At least, Allen thought those were ears. Very long, rabbit-like ears.

Resurrect?

As if reading Allen’s thoughts, the man said, with an impossibly wider smile,  
“All you have to do is call his name,”

That’s it? 

“Just say his name,”

Okay.

“Mana!”

 

-

 

After that night, Allen had been catatonic. Unresponsive. Nightmares, day to night, night to morning. A never ending cycle. 

Cross Marian, in his many years, had never faced anything like this before. His expertise lay in destroying akuma, avoiding his debts, and seducing women. He could out drink a bar, kill the deadliest of demons, but taking care of a comatose child? 

Hell no.

Still, he couldn’t exactly leave him for dead, considering he held the fourteenth’s memory. But Neah never said anything about having to hand feed his new vessel. Next time Cross sees him, the first thing he’s going to do is kill the bastard.

 

-

 

Cross found he’d drank more that first week alone than he did in a month. He actually found this impressive. 

But then, Mother saw how many bottles of booze were left laying around, and had promptly hid all the alcohol away in the house, and forbade him from leaving in search of more. Naturally, Cross went out and bought more booze the next day. But then she threatened to stop helping him with Allen.

Needless to say, he stopped drinking as much.

 

-

 

Four–almost five–more months passed and still no signs of consciousness from Allen. Cross had nearly torn out all of his hair frustration. Even Mother was losing patience.  
Neither of them knew what to do anymore.

One night, Cross woke to the sound of screaming coming from Allen’s room. Not that Allen crying out in his sleep was in itself unusual, having grown used to it after almost five months, but this was more blood-curdling than normal. 

The General ran to the room as fast as he could when still half asleep, Timcanpy in tow. Practically slamming the door open, Cross quickly surveyed the room, and found Allen was not in his bed. Rather, he was rolling on the floor, clawing at the left side of his face in agony. 

Shit.

Cross quickly subdued the screaming boy. He straddled Allen, carefully trying not to crush the boy and swiftly ripped his arms away from his face, holding the boy’s wrists in his own hand. The cursed scar was bleeding again, and Allen’s eye was unnaturally inflamed.

To hell with this.

Cross’s already-short-patience ran out. He grabbed the front of Allen’s nightshirt, lifted him and dropped the boy down onto the bed, yelling loud enough to wake the dead.

“Brat! Goddammit! WAKE THE FUCK UP!”

Allen, who had been struggling to get his hands out of Cross’s hold and back up to his face–presumably to scratch his eye out–stilled.

Cross froze as well, and Timcanpy worriedly fluttered. Cross bent and searched Allen’s face, looking for any sign of coherency. Allen’s face had scrunched up in pain, and his body was still tense under the General’s body. Cross let go of the boy slightly, and checked that Allen wasn’t going to go straight for his cursed eye. Allen didn’t move, so Cross tried again, quieter this time.

“Oi Allen, wake up before you hurt yourself,”

That got a response. Allen’s face smoothed. Slowly, painfully so, his eyes opened half-way, and his body went limp. Cross sighed.

“Hey, I wasn’t done talking to you, brat.”

Allen flicker his eyes up to Cross, and whispered,  
“Mana?”

Cross simply sighed once more, and hoped that he wouldn’t get attached. Timcanpy only flew down to rest against the boy’s side.

 

-

 

Allen continually got more and more coherent every day, give or take. Months passed until Cross and Allen were ready to depart from Mother’s house. And with a teary goodbye–mostly from Baba– the duo set off.

After Allen had fully woken from his catatonic state, and had calmed down a bit, Cross explained everything. Who the Millennium Earl was, what akuma were, and why Allen’s arm was the way that it was. Cross then explained that Allen was now to become his apprentice and learn to kill akuma. Allen was actually feeling better when Cross told him about their next step. Because now he has a purpose. 

So Allen left Mother’s house in high spirits, and followed Cross. 

It was great, until he’d started learning about Cross, and his habits. Allen had then started feel worse about the situation. 

It was less than a day into their journey when Allen learned that Cross was an alcoholic, a walking STD, and hasn’t worked a day in his life.

Many months passed after their departure, Cross and Allen had already traveled through several continents, met many different people, and ran from several things at once. It was quite an experience, Allen thought. He just wished Cross didn’t cause so much trouble. Not to mention Allen had yet to see a Cross kill a single akuma. 

Still, he was thankful to Cross, having had saved and nursed him back to health. 

 

-

 

After a rough–more than rough–encounter with some debt collectors, Cross and Allen swiftly hopped onto the first boat they could find. They’d been traveling to God-knows-where when the boat finally reached the harbor of some town that Allen didn’t know the name of–mainly because Cross never told him anything. Allen only prayed there weren’t any debt collectors here, or worse, crazy exes.

The day had continued as per usual from there. Allen works off debts, Cross does whatever the hell he wants and makes more debts for Allen to work off. A normal day.

Until Allen saw it.

A massive, dark cloud, floating above the people in the harbor. Limbs curled in on themselves, tortured whispers, a body covered in bandages.  
A nightmare.  
A familiar one.

Allen hadn’t seen anything like this since–

Mana.

Allen froze. His limbs locked in place, breathed quickened, his heart pounding.

The nightmare was staring at him. It turned its bandaged head to turn and looked straight at him. It cried out to him, begged him to help. Allen didn’t know what to do.

But his innocence did. 

Allen’s hand stretched and grew, until it took the form of a large grotesque claw. Just like it did that night.

“Allen, I love you.”

Next thing Allen knew, he was in the middle of a crowd. People warily watched him, frozen with horror. Some people were running away. Allen felt disoriented. What happened? He glanced down at his hand–the claw his hand turned into– and saw remains of a body crunched in it.

“Thank you, Allen Walker.”

He looked up. The nightmare that he’d seen before was disintegrating. Its form was losing its horror, and Allen could tell that it had been an older woman, with graying hair. She had a kind smile. It was beautiful. 

“Ah fuck,” a familiar voice said. Cross.

“So you found it before I did. Good job, Idiot Apprentice,”

Allen dazedly stared at him. 

Cross glanced around, noticing the distinct lack of people, grabbed Allen by his arm, and left in search of shelter.

 

-

 

“Your curse forces you to witness akuma souls,”  
Cross explained, once Allen came around.

“Oh,” was Allen’s only response. He sounded almost sad.

““Oh”? that’s all you have to say? And what’s with that stupid look on your face?”

Allen only glanced at Cross, and looked back out the Inn’s window.

“You’ve never seen their soul,” It wasn’t a question.

Cross narrowed his eyes at the boy. After a minute, he simply sighed and turned to leave the room, lighting a cigar on the way out. “Whatever. Don’t cause anymore trouble while I’m out, Idiot Apprentice.”

Allen nodded, and thought back to the akuma’s soul.

The moment the she’d been freed, gratitude and happiness had seeped from her soul, and Allen found himself breathing a little bit easier.

“Thank you, Allen Walker,”

Freeing akuma souls, was the single most beautiful thing Allen has ever seen. All the darkness in the world was worth it, as long as he could save their souls.

It was an unexplainable phenomenon, and Allen was glad Cross didn’t ask.

 

-

 

Allen’s love for akuma wasn’t exactly normal. Most exorcists tended to despise the demons, and were only too happy to gruesomely kill them.

Allen, however, was the only one who knew what actually happens when you kill–free– an akuma. 

Sometimes, Allen wished some of the others could see their souls just so they’d understand what they were really fighting for. But then, he’d remember how horrified Lavi had been when he saw Eliade’s soul at Krory’s castle and dismissed the thought.

The curse had become a great asset to the Order, especially with how strong it’d gotten in the past year or so there. But sometimes, people–Allen himself included–would forget that it is still a curse. And curses are punishments, not a helpful tools.

Allen was particularly reminded of this fact when he’d been recovering at the Asian branch.  
Every night he’d been there, he would be awoken by his eye. The curse was angry, and Allen didn’t, at the time, pay much attention to it as he was too focused on getting his innocence back. But he knew it was angry at him for the lack of akuma.

His curse–his soul–cried out for akuma.

When Allen finally freed an akuma–the level three that invaded the Asian Branch–it felt like coming home. Warmth and happiness blossomed through his heart. Thanks to his innocence and his curse, he realized what was wrong.

Allen lived for humankind. But he also lived for akuma, and he’d gone too long without them.

Allen would never go so long without saving an akuma again, lest his curse punish him once more.

At least, Allen had hoped so, but then he was put on extended medical leave.

 

-

 

The entire battle field was in ruins. Buildings were collapsed around them, small fires were started, rubble flew from every direction.

It was Timothy’s first official mission, accompanied by his new master, Klaud Nine, and two finders. Everything was going smoothly, until a level four showed up and killed one of the finders. Normally, Generals were powerful enough to take care of any level akuma, but the innocence they were after was creating illusions on General Nine’s innocence, Lau Jimin. 

Timothy–in a akuma’s body–dodged a bullet and hid behind a large bolder with his the remaining finder and his General.  
Klaud Nine quickly handed him his body and barked out an order at the finder, “Get the communications up and call for backup. Timothy, you’re to protect this finder while I distract the akuma,” “But Lau Jimin is knocked out, how are you going to fight it?!” Timothy protested after switching bodies.

Klaud only gave a him stern look and said, “I won’t. I’m only distracting it long enough for back up. Don’t fight me on this,” She stood up, grabbing her whip on the way, and boldly stepped out from their hiding spot and headed straight to the akuma.

Timothy could hear more laughter and crashing sounds, and prayed that his Master was alright. 

He turned back to the finder, who already had the call box out and turned on.  
“Hello? This is Finder Nikola. I was assigned a mission with General Nine and her apprentice, Timothy Hearst. I am calling for a backup request immediately,” He then gave out their location and the situation.  
Static. After a few minutes, a voice came on with an, “Affirmitive. Backup heading your way immediately.”

Suddenly, the familiar form of the Ark gate appeared in front of Timothy and finder Nikola. Three forms jumped out, and to Timothy’s delight, one of the three was Allen. Accompanying him was Lenalee and, of course, Allen’s watchdog, Howard Link.

“Timothy! Are you okay?” Lenalee asked.

“I’m okay. But there’s a level four, and Lau Jimin is under some sort of illusion,” Timothy said. Lenalee and Allen shared a look. 

“Where’s your General?” Allen asked carefully.

“She’s distracting the akuma,” Timothy wouldn’t admit it, but he was close to tears with worry.

Allen noticed his expression and smile reassuringly. “Don’t worry Timothy, she’s a General. I’m sure she’s fine,” He said. “Link, can you stay here to protect Timothy and the finder, while Lenalee and I go help General Nine?” Allen didn’t stay for Link’s response and simply jumped into the fray, Lenalee at his heels.

Timothy jumped up to follow after. “Hey wait! I’m an exorcist too!” Timothy cried, before a strong arm grabbed him around the middle. 

“Mister Hearst, you are not trained enough for an akuma of this level,” Link explained. 

More crashing and demonic laughter.

Timothy was noticeably in tears now.

Finder Nikola peaked his head around their hiding spot. “Looks like we’re not the only ones with backup. There are several level three akuma now,”

A sob escaped Timothy.

What felt like hours passed, until silence. The trio stayed behind the bolder for awhile during the silence when Lenalee entered their hiding spot, a little scratched up, but otherwise fine.  
“It’s okay to come out now. General Nyne got the innocence while Allen and I fought the akuma, and Lau Jimin is fine now,” She said.

Timothy rushed out from behind the bolder. He surveyed the wreckage and ran straight for his General’s silhouette. Like Allen had said–She was fine. Nine was crouching over something, with Lau Jimin resting in her arms. He finally caught up to her and gasped. Allen was curled up in a ball, holding his side in pain.

“Is he okay?!” Timothy heaved.

Nine only glance up at him and replied, “Mostly. But it seems he broke his leg, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he also broke some ribs. The level four managed to stabbed him, which was when Lenalee came in and killed it,” Nine saw Timothy’s expression, “He’ll be fine, but it'll be awhile before his next mission,”

The others caught up. Link immediately went to check on Allen.

“Walker, are you awake?” 

Allen squinted his eyes at Link, and grunted.

“Are you able to open a gate to headquarters?” Link asked.

Allen hesitated, before slowly nodding his head. He closed his eyes and a gate opened beside them.

Link carefully lifted him, being mindful of his leg and stab wound. He then slowly headed through the gate to headquarters.

 

-

 

Allen woke slowly and painfully to the sound of voices. It took awhile for him to focused on the actual words, not just incoherent noises.

“ –he’s stabilized, but he’ll need to avoid any strenuous activity for awhile,” The Headnurse said.

“Okay. I’ll try and get Komui to sign Allen’s medical leave,” Reever said. Shifting.  
“Johnny, why don’t you stay here with until Allen wakes up,”  
“Already awake,” Allen groaned out painfully. 

“Allen!” Johnny yelled happily. Allen winced. “Do you want something to drink? Or would you like another blanket? Or–,” Reever interrupted, “How are you feeling, Allen?” 

“Alright, just sore and groggy,” Allen answered. 

“The grogginess is probably from the pain meds. I need to go and get chief to sign your medical leave,” Reever said. 

“Okay,” Allen muttered tiredly.

Johnny tried to stay and help but Reever started pulling him along and they goodbyes and hurriedly left.

Allen was almost asleep when Reever’s words registered.

Medical leave?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! and as always, constructive criticism is always appreciated. Have a good night!


	2. Chapter 2

One moment, Allen had been fighting Eliade in Krory’s castle. The next moment, darkness. 

Where am I? 

Allen tried to look around, but he couldn’t see anything, only pitch black nothing surrounded him.

Out of the darkness came an akuma skull. Mana’s akuma skull.

‘I’m back, Allen,’ It said. ‘The darkness has returned to you,’

Allen’s senses were started to come back. His previously injured eye was healed, and the curse was already activated, indicating nearby akuma. The exorcist opened his eyes, and stared straight at a nightmare. It was Eliade’s soul.

“You’re an akuma,” He said. It wasn’t a question.

Eliade glared. “And you’re a strange exorcist,” She replied.

The longer Allen stared, the more he noticed color fading from the world around him, and Allen remembered. 

‘It’s coming back to me’, he thought. 

The black and white of the world.

 

-

 

“I’ll be fine in a day or two, really!” Allen pleaded for the hundredth time. Three hours, the clocked mocked. They’d been at this for three hours, and at this point, Komui would do anything to get away–even if that meant more paper work. 

“Allen, you’ve been dealt a fatal stab wound, broken your leg, cracked three ribs, a concussion, lacerations, and tremendous bloodloss. You went from finishing an already difficult assignment straight to a back up mission, where you fought a level four akuma,“ Komui argued back. “You are no shape to fight anything.”

Normally, Komui wouldn’t get so involved in something that isn’t–shouldn’t–be a problem. But Reever had come into his office with coffee and the stubbornness of a bull, and forced him to promise to sign Allen’s medical leave. Just sign the paperwork a couple of times and hand the papers to Central. Easy, right?

Not this time, apparently.

Exorcists rarely ever got a break from the war. Ignoring the fact that they were seriously injured, medical leave was practically a vacation, and as such, making an exorcist take it easy wasn’t normally too hard a task. The few exceptions being Kanda and his healing factor, and occasionally Lavi, because of Bookman duties. Of course there are those few exorcists that don’t want medical leave, but the only way to skirt leave was if there was a situation or duty that ranked higher importance, and those few exorcists gave it up after a little arguing.

But not, apparently, Allen. 

Only hours earlier, Komui had gotten ready to sleep on his desk a little more. And suddenly, he’d been rudely awoken from his slumber by falling to the floor.

“Brother, please wake up!” Lenalee yelled.

He groaned in pain, and usually Lenalee would feel bad about kicking his out chair out from under him, but really, he shouldn’t be sleeping when there was paperwork to be done.

“Lenalee? Why would you wake your brother so cruelly?” Komui asked her childishly.

“Brother, Allen’s been trying to escape the hospital ward. We’ve tried stopping him, but he won’t budge,” Lenalee said, exasperated.

“Ah, that’s not good. But why do you need me?” Komui asked sleepily. Where was his coffee?

“Because Allen is refusing his medical leave, and he says he needs to talk to you.” Lenalee explained.

Komui still wasn’t sure why they couldn’t do this by themselves, but he figured this was a fine excuse to hide from his paperwork. Surely it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.

That mentality quickly change the moment Komui was in the medical ward and he’d sounds of struggle from within the room that held Allen. 

Lenalee opened the door cautiously, and the brother-sister duo peaked their heads around the frame. Allen was being held back by a couple of nurses. How someone with a broken leg managed to be so difficult, Komui had no idea.

“Sir, you need to rest!” Cried a nurse. Allen only continued to viciously wiggle out of their hold. 

Komui took a step back. “Uhh, Lenalee, I just remembered, I have very important stuff to–ack!” She pushed him into the crowded room. They dodged the many nurses and consequently, were pushed into the corner. “Brother, please help them! I don’t want him to get anymore hurt,”. Komui then looked into her eyes, which was his second mistake. The first being that he agreed to come at all. Komui, unable to refuse his sister, sighed, and hoped this wouldn’t last long. Suddenly, several nurses came stumbling to the floor.

“I’ll be fine! I just need to talk to the Chief!” He said in a strained voice. The nurses glared up at the exorcist. It seems that he’d momentarily won the fight. Then he noticed the new visitors. “Komui!” Allen froze. The nurses took advantage of this to pushed him back into his bed. The boy valiantly continued his struggle. 

The door opened once more. “Oh finally!” The Headnurse said from the doorway exasperatedly. She was also covered in blood, likely from a recent emergency. It didn’t help her already terrifying presence. “I expect you’ll make sure this boy doesn’t hurt himself even more.” 

She glowered, turned, and swiftly stomped out of the room, the exhausted nurses hot at her heels. Komui and Lenalee watched her leave and despaired. Komui wasn’t sure agreeing to come had been the best idea. He turned back to where Allen was.

“Ah, hello Allen. What exactly did you need me here for?” Komui said cautiously. This was Allen though, kind-hearted, sweet, and lovable Allen. They were being overdramatic, right?

Allen scowled, then tried to stand out of his bed. With a broken leg.

“Allen!” Lenalee was quick to rush to his side and chastise him. “Please stop! You’re only hurting yourself!” She said as she pushed him back. Allen relented, but only enough to sit on the edge of the bed, his leg stretched out awkwardly in front of him.

“Okay, okay, Lenalee, I’m sitting down, please let go of me,” Lenalee was still trying to push him down on the bed. Her grip was started to hurt, and Allen grabbed her hands off his shoulder, and hoped it wouldn’t bruise. 

Allen then turned back to Komui with a pointedly determined look on his face. “Komui, I can’t go on medical leave,” 

Komui desperately wanted to leave and get someone else to deal with this. “And why is that?” Komui said, eyes darting around in search of escape. He had a bad feeling about this. 

The feeling of dread strengthened, practically drowning him when Allen opened his mouth, and proceeded to argue for the next three hours. Which brought them to their current argument. 

“Please Komui, I don’t want to be on medical leave,” Komui sighed. This was going to test his temper.

“And I don’t want you anymore injured than you already are,” Allen was about to speak again, but Komui had enough. “No. I’m sorry Allen, but you need the time to heal up,” 

Komui almost never lost his temper. It really took some time for Komui to lose any of his exposure like this, but Allen just. Wouldn’t. Stop. Before Allen could say anything more, Komui quickly walked out of the room and signaled nurses and a single crow to the room, passing Inspector Link, who was already sitting outside the room. Komui caught a glimpse of Allen’s shocked face before the door was slamming shut, and he wished he needn’t be so harsh on occasions such as this. 

Lenalee rejoined him at his side, having had left during the previous hours.

“Brother? Did you get him to agree on his leave?” Lenalee asked him.

Komui deflated. “Not exactly,” Lenalee was about to say something, but Komui no longer had the patience. “He is still going to be on medical leave, however. The paperwork doesn’t have need for patient consent, so even if you he had agreed, it wouldn’t make a difference,”

Lenalee frowned, and yes, Komui felt sufficiently bad about bringing the whole ‘it does not matter what you want, the Order will do it anyways’ rule up, but it was true.

“Why don’t you visit him when he’s better, hmm? Besides, I’m sure that-“ I would. “the science division would appreciate some coffee.” Komui didn’t give her a chance to reply before he walked off, thankful that the situation was had been sort of resolved.

 

-

 

First he heard music. Then came the sounds of accusing voices, yelling and anger. He distinctly remembered feeling fear, the sensation of being smothered, choking and dying and–

Allen woke up. 

Several blinks later, Allen remembered where he was. The medical wing.

Allen sighed and went back to sleep.

 

-

 

The fog of sleep lifted from Allen once more, and ever so slowly, he became slightly more aware. Once he felt more awake, Allen wondered what, exactly, woke him and slowly peered his head around the small hospital room. And stared.

“-shhh Lavi, you’ll wake him.” 

“Naw, ‘sprout’s out like a light!” 

“He won’t be for long if you keep-“

Lenalee and Lavi froze upon seeing his state of newly awoken consciousness. Lavi was the first recover, reaching an arm up and around his head to scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. 

“Hey Beansprout, how ya feeling?” Lenalee glared at him. Lavi winced and continued on. “Sorry if we woke you,”

Allen attempted an answer, only to make a sound no human should be able to make, and immediately ceased his attempt. Thankfully, Lenalee walked over to him and handed him a cup of water from the bedside.

Multiple gulps later, Allen felt he could somewhat function human sounds. 

“Er, I’m alright.” A skeptical eye-brow raise and a snort later, he reaffirmed himself. “I feel much better than yesterday, really.” A tense silence fell over the room’s occupants. Lavi coughed uncomfortably into his hand, While Lenalee immediately donned a guilty expression. Allen searched their faces warily.

“What?” Allen asked. Lenalee guiltily bit her lip.

“Uh hum, well, maybe yesterday isn’t quite the correct term, you see, um, you kept fighting the nurses, and, um, we may have been force to, and we didn’t want to, really, but we had to–“ Lavi stepped in. “We had to heavily sedate you, because you were being stubborn and kept fighting the nurses instructions. So, you’ve been asleep for the past day.” That, explains why Allen felt like death.

“You’re probably pretty hungry, huh?” Yes actually, now that he thought about it, he was really hungry. Ravenous didn’t even cover it.

Allen kind of wished Lavi hadn’t reminded him about the gaping whole that is now his stomach. It was pretty painful. And so was his leg, and his ribs, and his abdomen. Allen’s whole body was in pain to be honest, which probably meant he was fully awake, or his pain meds weren’t working anymore.

Allen figured he probably had a strange expression on his face when Lavi and Lenalee worriedly glanced at each other.

“Do you need anything, Allen? Other than food?” Lenalees asked kindly. Allen shook his head no, before asking. “Lenalee, where is Komui?” They froze. Lavi quickly and stiffly scooted toward the door.

“I’ll go get a nurse, and possibly the whole kitchen. See ya later, Beansprout!” Lavi said quickly before leaving, with a pointed look in Lenalee’s direction.

Lenalee looked positively frightened. Allen head hurt.

“Lenalee, where is Komui?” She tensed even more. “Lenalee, please, I can’t just sit here in the midst of war. I won’t go on leave,”

Lenalees sat down on the chair be side his bed and look down. “He left,”. Yes, yes he did. Allen remembered that, but that was not the answer to his question. Lenalee fiddled with her hands, before looking up at him regretfully. “The thing is, Allen, is that the Order doesn’t need our consent for almost anything, and honestly, they barely need our Supervisor’s agreement. So even if you don’t give consent to your leave, it doesn’t matter, because they’ll do it anyways,” She gained a far away look at that.

“Komui signed my papers, didn’t he.” She nodded and kept her head down. So, all his nurse fighting was for naught. 

There was silence for a couple of minutes. “Why are you fighting us so much on this?” Lenalee asked softly. “It’s for your health, so why be so stubborn about this?”

Allen only frowned and continued to stare at his lap, idly intertwining his mismatched hands. 

“Alright,” Lenalee sighed. “I’m going to go make sure Lavi actually did call a nurse, and get you some food. Get better Allen, and please remember that Komui only wants the best for us. Even if that means against going against our judgment.” She got up and left, but took a moment to glance back before continuing.

Allen knew that Komui never meant to hurt or harm them. That he does actually work hard to make the Order a home. But still, Allen couldn’t quite shake the anger off him. Allen told himself that while Komui signed the papers, that he disagreed with Allen, he couldn’t have known the consequents. Allen knew rationally that he should not be angry, least of at Komui, but as long as that anger didn’t show, he would allow it to stay.

As long as no one knew how he occasionally felt, as long as no one knew what he would sometimes think, Allen could pretend that he was whole. And he pretended that he was okay with that, because everyone else seemed content that way.

But if his curse acted up where people would see, he didn’t know if his mask would hold up under the questioning, and so Allen prayed that he could be spared this small mercy.


	3. Author's Note

Hello again dear readers! (´∀｀)

I'm very sorry to say that this is not a new chapter, but an author's note. Now you may be thinking 'oh no, Ren's abandoning CCaC!!'

That is not true. I have no plans whatsoever to abandon this fic. What this note is is just an update, and me wanting to let you guys know that I will be continuing this fic, and I am very sorry for it taking so long. 

As some of you may know, life is incredibly busy for me, and I am someone who has too many ideas to express, so I am also busy with other projects. 

I was going to attempt to force chpter 3 out, but then is when I do my worst work, and you guys do not deserve mediocrity. Alongside that, I've been wanting to re-edit the previous chapters as well, because I was not expecting such an amazing response, given that I do not consider this to be my best work. 

I've also been going through and constructing the rest of the fic when I have the inspiration, because I want this fic to be much better than it currently is. I've recently had very low inspiration towards everything, but I'm getting it back now!

I still can't say when I will be able to get a new chapter out, as this is not my priority unfortunately. This is just something I do on the side of other projects and college. But do know that this will be continuing, and it'll also be revamped when it is. 

Thank you so much for reading CCaC, and I'll see you next time! （＾ν＾）

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'd to love to hear your thoughts, and constructive criticism is always appreciated. Have a good night!


End file.
